That was a little too close (1994–)

Luckily, Google has not yet found me, so no one reads this blog. That was a little too close! It’s now December 1st, and I thought I would have to think of an “important” topic to write. Off the hook!

So, Google, huh?

What was your first experience typing works into an “Internet Search Engine.” We will cover at a later time when was your first exposure to “Internet Search Ads,” but that is not today’s question. What was your first time like? Google? Excite? Yahoo! Oh, sorry. Did you use AOL in the 1990's? I used AOL once. But no one could call me on the home telephone line while I was connecting using the dial-up. Later, I was tired to spending late nights in the computer lab watching downloads slowly travel across my apartment’s telephone line or university’s T1 line. After a while, it just didn’t work out any more.

Please don’t tell me you used “Bing” before you used “Google”? If so, well, I guess we will have a special “Gen-Z” post for you, but I will save that for another day. My memory tells me with about 30% certainty, that Sergey started Google in Winter of 1994 — not in 1995. Memory is imperfect. That’s why you really should stay away from the Neon Cathedral then write stuff down. Not on a sticky note. Not on Facebook. Maybe use a good blog like Medium or WordPress. Is Blogger even still a thing? TikTok is a self-aggrandisement audio-track-video platform, and it is not writing. But believe me when I tell you: I witnessed and uses that experimental “The Google” web page, in that basement of that Stanford dorm, in Winter 1994, during Pro Fro week — and my campus tour host said two things: (1) that is a NeXT computer, don’t touch, because that computer was actively in-use by a grad researching, but (2) there was this other computer where human subject research was being conducted by some Doctoral Grad student (but I cannot recall his name, oh well) and the web page said “Google”. Ok, I admit it. The story is true. But I did actually have to Google and fact-check so that I could obtain that hyperlink. My memory is not 100%. That is why I should write things down, and get some words on the page as someone once said. My certainty is now about 75% that this story I am recounting for your benefit is legitimately true. March 27-ish 1994. Pro Fro week.

This is interesting to me. If I choose the search phrase “birth of bing” then I get two results, as follows:
(1) Google It. Result “Bing Crosby” born in Tacoma, WA
(2) Bing It. Result “Bing Crosby” born in Tacoma, WA on May 3, 1903

The interesting part is not the “Google First, but Bing sometimes” — we all know that truism. The intriguing part is that Google’s query performed with Profile A, and Bing’s query performed with Profile B, such that:

• RQ001( ProfileA, (“Google”, “birth of bing”) ): About 16,700,000 results (0.83 seconds)
• RQ001( ProfileB, (“Bing”, “birth of bing”) ): About 11,900,000,000 results

From this very small sample-sized scientific experiment, what do we know immediately without needing to think about it? Google is fast. Microsoft, well it’s there too, it case you want to take another 0.83 for a second opinion? Most of the times you have already forgotten why were you searching for “birth of bing” again? That is my point.

Oh, that’s right. Because you needed to fill space on a blog story that no one is every going to read. Because even Google can’t find you now. Here is my advise: “Unless you are a collective of non-social robots, Google will find you, eventually.” Also, you stopped thinking and writing critically after you discovered Google. You see, that is why this here math geek tested for the AHSME and AIME, and then went to a small liberal arts school. The real reason is because I hadn’t yet Googled “personal finance” so I was not yet aware that while folks might say “you can do anything” that sometimes means you can even pay back $47,000 in private college loans in 3.5 years instead of 5 years. What was I doing with all my time at college? Installing Netscape v1.0b. Searching on Excite and Yahoo! Learning DNS. Listening to my professor’s talk about their research projects while Netscape downloaded from Mosiac or Gopher or occassionally from FTP. What a way to spend life in the 90's!

Meanwhile, back at the ranch. One of my high school math teachers would ramble and then say that. We knew it was cringe. Perhaps that’s where I got it from? Because writing public blogs is absolutely so cringe. In this case, “the ranch” is quit literally a family farm. See, I may joke but I do not lie. Exaggerate? Perhaps. Falsify? No. You see, at the farm we had an issue of the need for small family business accounting. At the impressionable age of 16, I was told that “Lotus 1–2–3” is totally the industry standard, and while Microsoft does also sell MS-Excel, the better purchase is totally the Lotus Office Suite. So, that is what we bought. That is how it came to be that in the early 90’s, I would punch-in IRS I-9 and Payroll entries and Quicken account ledger expense receipts — in Lotus123 — because no one will ever use Excel. Turns out, my friend Jeremy was simply 40 years ahead of his time.

One last question, before you stop reading. Actually, two. How did you find my blog, when not even Google’s robots can locate it? Do you think that I hastily glanced and copied the initial result from the 0.83 second Internet Search Query, or did I even both to scroll down to locate the most compelling result?

Of course I only chose the 1st result! That’s because even since 1995, when Google came out, I’ve been getting increasingly lazy just “Googling it” instead of spending time “writing it down.” Macklemore and Rule 4080 inspires me. You will need to Google that last reference on your own.

PUT YOUR Freakin’ SMART CELL PHONE DOWN! Listen. This is the early 1990’s we are rambling and reminiscing about — now go and research it without using a computer! How? Dunno. Perhaps take the bus to the library? Or ask an old person?

See you all later.

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